Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
