Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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