so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
