WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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