I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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