chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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