Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
