took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're like the curious george of whores
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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