remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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