I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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