So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
