so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
