I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
