my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize