He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
