Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
