Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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