He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
