May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
