I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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