hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
