I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
