i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
