Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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