giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
