ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We are all done wearing pants today
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
