i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
