I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
