party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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