I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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