I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
