craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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