FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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