I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
