I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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