Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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