Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
