so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
