god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.