Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.