Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're my little dorito
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
