Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.