stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
