your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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