the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
