I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
