oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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