My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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