Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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