fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
