i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
