I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
