The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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