I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
