dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
