it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
