Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
