dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
