I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
