so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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