then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
