I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
