My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
