i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
