No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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