she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bring money and cleavage
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
