At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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