My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
