youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
