She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
