At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he thought i was a dude.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
