I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
