I hate your face
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
