yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
