i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My balls are so social today.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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