Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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  (970): last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!! http://tfl.nu/1bv7
  Replies (11) Good night (4017) Bad night (757)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people

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  (203): I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people http://tfl.nu/t9vq
  Replies (39) Good night (745) Bad night (4859)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before

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  (813): i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before http://tfl.nu/gxl8
  Replies (10) Good night (631) Bad night (4549)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

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  (303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu
  Replies (18) Good night (1472) Bad night (4322)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

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  (703): He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him. (1-703): Wasn't he an English major? http://tfl.nu/vbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (4987)
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  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

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  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (4119) Bad night (1529)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.

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  (801): I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey. http://tfl.nu/fucb
  Replies (8) Good night (2320) Bad night (1029)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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  (860): you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you. http://tfl.nu/qv5y
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (2432)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude

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  (907): I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude http://tfl.nu/0pzh
  Replies (9) Good night (2310) Bad night (666)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?

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  (860): Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress? http://tfl.nu/gpyt
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (561)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring gay.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.

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  (250): Bring gay. (250): By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay. http://tfl.nu/xg2s
  Replies (3) Good night (2081) Bad night (506)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.

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  (+61): only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rzvd
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (406)
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  (951): View more from California

  Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.

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  (951): Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night. http://tfl.nu/gbx1
  Replies (10) Good night (1033) Bad night (511)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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  (330): There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists. http://tfl.nu/kdms
  Replies (4) Good night (304) Bad night (775)
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  (707): View more from California

  I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.

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  (707): I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy. http://tfl.nu/am87
  Replies (6) Good night (720) Bad night (360)

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