Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.