we're chasing vodka with high fives
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
