Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
