Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit. http://tfl.nu/9uu5
  Replies (8) Good night (3118) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate. http://tfl.nu/wg9p
  Replies (11) Good night (965) Bad night (3519)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement http://tfl.nu/oky4
  Replies (12) Good night (4786) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/216j
  Replies (4) Good night (2990) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese http://tfl.nu/a9is
  Replies (4) Good night (4695) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal http://tfl.nu/lnon
  Replies (20) Good night (3854) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (4206) Bad night (1599)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took http://tfl.nu/mwwf
  Replies (8) Good night (2307) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance http://tfl.nu/d5xa
  Replies (14) Good night (3012) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels. http://tfl.nu/rc9i
  Replies (9) Good night (862) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech? http://tfl.nu/c3aa
  Replies (23) Good night (1020) Bad night (2096)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married? http://tfl.nu/80xb
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night? http://tfl.nu/mkh7
  Replies (2) Good night (290) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. " http://tfl.nu/24zo
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike http://tfl.nu/9zq8
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (221)

Randomize