In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.