final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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