girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?