You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
